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so, it's 01:04 am, it's literally midnight.

*sigh... this is probably not stuff you looking for, but i'm just gonna post it anyway.

bahasanya bakalan campur aduk, tergantung mood.

It's probably not a big deal for you, or it's just me exaggerating this thing. as i've said before, i'm gonna post it anyway because idk whom i should talk to.

*deep sigh

dianterin makan jam 1 dini hari itu bener-bener 'sesuatu'

awalnya aku ama dia cuma ya cerita cerita ngga jelas, tiba-tiba dia nawarin oreo, trus aku jawab "aku pengen sate. lagi kelaperan ini *gigit2 bantal" setelah cerita2 ini itu, ternyata dia bilang BAKAL bawain makanan. aku bilang ga usah.

it's 1 am, for god's sake! lot of things could happen at this time, but he insisted. and suddenly he texted me "i'm on my way. otw"

and i was like "nggak usah..."

and he was like "udah terlanjur"

idk about you, but srsly, i've never treated this way. yeah, i could simply say "pfft, we've been dating for a week(yes, A WEEK), of course he's nice to me" but then again...why this much?

idk what i should react.

other ppl might have been treated in waaay better but personally, ini bener-bener sesuatu. ha ha ha.

ntahlah, mungkin seperti yang kubilang tadi, aku membesar-besarkannya. mungkin dia udah sering memperlakukan cewek seperti ini. mungkin aku terlalu melankolis or whatsoever.

i'm not even sure do i really deserve to be treated like this?

aku ga tau sampai kapan dia bakal bersikap kek gini. dia mungkin bakal berubah, aku mungkin bakal berubah.aku mungkin bakal menertawakan postku ini entah kapan. saying something like "pfft, wtf is this bs jasun? knock it off. now you know who he is, r u gonna think the same?" or something like that. idk.

about it, it's still a mystery for me, but yet, NOW is real.

i guess i'm just gonna enjoy this doki-doki >///<

i'm wondering by myself why i couldn't tell this stuff to anyone. no, "why i wouldn't tell", and yet i post it in here =___________=

oke, sebenarnya aku juga penasaran, "is he going to ask something from me?" ... y'know, for all these stuffs. idk how to start trusting anyone again, but i guess... i try to start it anyway, though it's gamble.

oke, post berikutnya ngga ada hubungannya sama sekali, tapi aku baca post-post tentang Gyaru_Secrets di LiveJournal. w w w w

beberapa terdengar kejam, beberapa terdengar cukup masuk akal. yah... memang tidak semua orang ahli dalam make-up, tapi beberapa tidak menyadari bahwa mereka tidak ahli dalam make up dan yang membuat mera kesal kebanyakan orang-orang yang nggak sadar itu mengaku bahwa diri mereka cukup gyaru hanya dengan beberapa aspek, padahal gyaru bukanlah hanya sekedar penggalan-penggalan make-up.

okay, srsly, for someone who even couldn't put an eye liner properly, i've talked crap enough. but hey, i'm just saying. at least, me, for example, if i were try to do some make up, although i'm inspired from gyaru, i wouldn't call myself a gyaru if i'm just about put some circle lens and falsies. no, gyaru needs more than it, and that's why i always feel that i'm not really fit into this style though i'm in love with it. just because i wear a circle lens, or an eye lashes, i'm not automatically gyaru. 

for example, 

seseorang yang sangat gemuk meng-upload foto dirinya dan memberikan hastag #gyaru di tumblr atau instagram atau entah dimana. padahal yang dilakukannya hanya menggunakan circle lens. 

and then ppl call her "fatty". idk about her life so i wouldn't say that she didn't try to look slimmer, but still!!

IMHO, yes, you are fatty, but your mistake is not about you're fat, it's because your make up or something.

and yes, i couldn't do any gyaru make up, not even i could put a circle lens and that's WHY exactly i don't call myself a gyaru. not even a dolly-kei.

beberapa dari komennya cukup sopan, dan beberapa yah... seperti yang kubilang tadi, cukup kasar, but much or less saying what i thought. beberapa yang lain cukup menjengkelkan. terkesan mencari kesalahan dalam penampilan seseorang.
bithcplease, nobody's perfect.
you know she isn't perfect but you don't have to be always spit everything you wanna say.
so everytime i see 'that kinda ' person i just shut the hell up. let that thoughts run only in my MIND.

when i don't like a thing i don't always say it.
itulah kenapa kita punya otak sebagai filter.

so anyway, ada juga beberapa rahasia, misalnya si X ngefans banger ama gyaruo Y, Tapi si Y ngga tau keberadaan X, dan X merasa cukup rendah diri dan merasa tidak cukup gyaru untuk menjadi pasangan Y. lalu dia pindah aliran jadi lolita. aku tidak mengerti latar belakangnya, bagaimana X spirbenar-benar terinspiradi dengan Y, adalah hak dan pilihannya untuk berganti gaya dari gyaru ke lolita. but, tbh, i don't see any connection between both of it. don't you think it's mean she (X) being gyaru just because Y?

beberapa rahasia lain adalah bagaimana 2 orang cewek temenan, yang satu gyaru, yang satu nggakgaru, terus kemudian si yyang 'nggak gyaru' ini tiba-tiba menjadi gyaru dan meng-copycat temannya itu.
yah, walaupun sebenarnya style dibuat untuk diikuti, tapi yang tidak bisa kuterima adalah misalnya si A(gyaru) dan B(nyubi gyaru) belanja online bersama, si B itu merebut barang yang jadi incerannya A. that's annoying. of course, the whole case couldn't be described in one or two sentences, but that's the point!
(="= )
dan itu tidak terjadi pada 1-2 kasus. dari sekian banyak post, cukup banyak yang curhat kek gitu. oh god lord, please.
i wanna hug her and say "i know that feel, sist..."
yes, i've been in the same case, and that's why it's pretty annoying.

okay... i guess, i talked to much.
that's all from me.